What if We Loved Black Women Like We Love Black Male Rapists?

2011_Bill_CosbyWhen I was seventeen, I was groomed and preyed upon by a high school basketball coach. He told me to stop wearing panties if I wanted to get a ‘real man.’ He invited me to drink, smoke weed, and hang out with his twenty-something-year-old friends. He explained to me that part of becoming a woman was wrapped up in how men viewed me. For months, he did these things. Then, when I had ongoing issues with my abusive dad, he coerced me into sex (an act of statutory and coercive rape) after I asked for his help and called him on a school day seeking safety.

Oddly, even though this happened to me over a decade a ago, I was only able to admit and come to terms with it just before my 30th birthday. This is mainly because his actions, taking advantage of, manipulating, and coercing a teenaged girl at his place of employment (a public high school) into sex, are normalized in a country consumed by rape culture. In fact, they’re defended especially when the rape survivors are Black women.

I remember when I first told someone about what had happened to me. I told her that I was a virgin before it happened and she didn’t believe me. She accused me of lying about my virginity but never questioned the actions of the man who preyed on me. Another person I told indicated that I should feel honored or special because the man involved was attractive and a lot of other girls at the high school wanted to “go with him.” More and more young Black men and women found innovative ways to valorize the man who preyed upon and manipulated me into sexual intercourse when I really just needed help and safety. Because he was a role model for the basketball team and a “nice guy,” they undermined my experiences. Eventually, I began believing their arguments. I stopped talking about it altogether.

Like the man who sexual assaulted me, Bill Cosby did all the things sexual predators know to do in order to avoid public ire. He gave money to schools. He presented himself as a pillar in the Black community. He became “America’s Dad.” With a rap sheet like that, imagine how difficult it would be for anyone to believe he wasn’t an honorable, pure, and just human being?

In my case, the man who coerced me befriended me and made me think he was an older brother figure. He listened to me discussing my issues at home with the intention of exploiting those hardships later on. All the while, I’m sure he considered that, by building this relationship with me – an impressionable, vulnerable girl, he’d never have to worry about being accused of rape. Sadly, he was pretty much right.

My experiences in high school echo many of the recent defenses of Bill Cosby. Originally, singer Jill Scott jumped to Cosby’s defense. She has since recanted. Now, after news broke that Cosby admitted to procuring drugs for the purpose of raping women, comedian and TV host Whoopi Goldberg joked about drug use and claimed that Cosby still hasn’t been “proven a rapist.”

To be clear: Even after over 40 women came forward describing being drugged and raped or otherwise sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby and he admitted to procuring drugs for the purpose of raping them, some people still don’t believe it. I have seen posts on social media where people are blaming media bias for the revelation of Cosby’s drug procurement. Others have latched onto this being a conspiracy to bring down the Black man. All the while, the dozens of women whose bodies were violated and lives were infringed upon by Cosby’s predation have had to sit by watching people scramble to the aid of their rapist.

Yes, Bill Cosby raped and abused over 40 women and people are more concerned about him and his legacy.

Perhaps, the most disappointing aspect of this conversation is the fact that Black people, Black men in particular, have been some of the most consistent voices in defense of Cosby. Like R. Kelly, the fascination with his fame and on-screen persona seem to outweigh the love these individuals have for their mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, aunts, and friends. But what if we all loved women as much as we loved rapists? Specifically, what if we loved Black women as much as we loved Black male rapists?

I imagine, in a world where we actually loved Black women, rapists like Bill Cosby and R. Kelly and the countless others who remain unidentified wouldn’t have the cloak of reputation to hide under. They wouldn’t be able to use our mental commitments to disbelieving Black women against us. They certainly wouldn’t have the power to silence the women who they victimized with threats, bribes, or other forms of manipulation.

In a world where we loved Black women as much as we loved Black male rapists, this article wouldn’t even exist because sexual justice wouldn’t be seen as a euphemism, a silent attack on Black men. In this world, the very real attack on Black womanhood in the form of sexual and domestic violence wouldn’t be seen as less important than the imaginary assault on Black manhood. Sex would be understood as an agreement between two consenting parties. Consent wouldn’t be relative. Plausible deniability wouldn’t be a “Get Out of Jail Free” card to be wielded even after folks are found guilty of sexual assault and violence.

I don’t have confidence we will ever love Black women as much as we love Black male rapists. In fact, I don’t think patriarchy will ever allow us to love Black women as much as we love Black men in general. But, I do wonder what that would look like and feel like. My life has been affected by our love for Black male rapists. So have the lives of tens of thousands of other Black women. In my mind that will, one day, be important to us. Not today though.

 

http://watercoolerconvos.com/2015/07/08/what-if-we-loved-black-women-like-we-love-black-male-rapists/

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “What if We Loved Black Women Like We Love Black Male Rapists?

  1. I agree that R. Kelly and Bill Cosby are both despicable people and deserve all the exposure available to further deem them as being such. However, I do not believe that the intermingling of the terms “black males” with “rapist” is an honest interpretation. Furthermore, not all black males are even in financially secured positions to even put themselves in a predicament to cajole a woman into a situation to eventually be raped.

    Like

    1. “to put themselves in a predicament to cajole a woman into a situation to eventually be raped”. Huh? Wtf does that even mean? What kind of watered down ass language is that? How does a woman get cajoled into rape? See this right here is exactly the type of nonsense “reasoning” going on in the Black community when it comes to dealing with rape and sexual assault committed by Black men against Black women. This is how the Black University Presidents at HBCU’s deal with rape of Black woman committed by Black men- blame her and protect him. This asinine mess right here (and I am being really, really, really reserved right now cause you deserve the worse words known to exist in all of human and spirit existence right now). Not only did you equate rape with “persuasion through flattery” (which is the definition of cajole and shows you obviously subscribe to that sick ass philosophy that women who are raped really wanted it, she just needs some “persuasion”), you completely disregarded the Black women rape victims that this article is about and shifted the focus right back to how to protect the fragile image of Black men (which this article wasn’t even about all Black men, it was about Black men who rape). Black women out here being assaulted but you crying cause you don’t like the way the words were put together. It’s 2016. Ya’ll ain’t fitna bring this here bullshit into the end of 2016. I promise you that. Ya’ll keep playing games.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. “However, I do not believe that the intermingling of the terms “black males” with “rapist” is an honest interpretation. ”

      The term “black male rapist” IS NOT implying that ALL black men are rapist. It’s talking about the ones WHO ARE rapist and how too many black people protect them instead of their black girl or boy victims.

      “Furthermore, not all black males are even in financially secured positions to even put themselves in a predicament to cajole a woman into a situation to eventually be raped.”

      It doesn’t matter about how much financial security or lack thereof that rapist have……they’re still rapist.

      We have to stop getting on the defensive when someone mentions black males WHO ARE this or that when we speak out about criminal and other inappropiate behavior in the black community.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. @Sure-Footed-Cynic said: “to put themselves in a predicament to cajole a woman into a situation to eventually be raped”. Huh? Wtf does that even mean? What kind of watered down ass language is that? How does a woman get cajoled into rape?

    First and foremost, I think you should re-read my post, quit jumping to conclusions and calm your simple ass down. Also, I’m not here to defend either R. Kelly or Bill Cosby because quite frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about both of them.

    CHUCKLES, you’re so funny! What in the world are you talking about??? Not only black women, but most women love to place themselves in close proximity with power, fame and money, that’s a freakin FACT. Furthermore, a lot of women are easily influenced by sweet talk and empty promises. This is probably what happened in both situations regarding the two men in question. Again, the vast majority of black men do not have the financial power that Kelly or Cosby have at their disposal to persuade women.

    Moreover, I was referring to the women that were accusing Bill Cosby of rape, which I’d say were at least 90-95% white. I said nothing about black women being raped on college campuses.

    Now, go ahead and post another skewed post to benefit your warped thinking. I’ll wait! (more chuckles)

    Like

    1. “quit jumping to conclusions and calm your simple ass down”

      You’re disgusting and just all around dumb. Out here using words too complicated for your level of understanding but all arrogant in the comments section.

      Please return to your mother’s womb and try your life again later.

      Like

  3. @TheOriginalBlackWoman13 said: “The term “black male rapist” IS NOT implying that ALL black men are rapist. It’s talking about the ones WHO ARE rapist and how too many black people protect them instead of their black girl or boy victims.”

    Are you serious?? Remember, the title of this post is: “What if We Loved Black Women Like We Love Black Male Rapists?” The manner in which the post is titled, the writer Jenn is in fact referring to ALL black men as rapists. There is no way around the titling of this post. The title alone implies that ALL black men are rapists, which is certainly not true. The writer of this post, Jenn M. Jackson, wrote what she meant and meant what she wrote. The post is not subject to the clarification by the reader.

    The way this post is written, is to suggest if one person of a certain race does something, well then, ALL men of the same race perpetrate the same crime. For example, since Bill Clinton had a situation with Monica Molinsky at the White House, well then, all of the previous white Presidents also engaged in the same behavior. Now,… I hope you realize how silly your suggestions truly are, that is, … ALL black men are rapists.

    Personally, I believe what would’ve been an appropriately titled post would’ve been the following: WHAT IF WE LOVED BLACK WOMEN LIKE WE LOVE BLACK RAPISTS R. KELLY and BILL COSBY? This title would’ve been much more specifically accurate without accusing ALL black men or conflation of such a heinous crime.

    @”TheOriginalBlackWoman13 said: “It doesn’t matter about how much financial security or lack thereof that rapist have……they’re still rapist.”

    You’re correct and wrong all at once. You’re CORRECT only IF you’re referring to R. Kelly and Bill Cosby when you said, “they’re still rapists” and you’re WRONG if you’re referring to ALL black men when you said, “they’re still rapists.”

    You also say that financial security or lack thereof played no part in the R. Kelly and Bill Cosby situations. Well, of course it played a part. Have you ever heard of a brotha being so broke, he couldn’t even purchase a cold-cut ham sandwich at 7-Eleven. But yet, he’s so darn smooth at talking, he could coax a woman into his apartment with buttery talk and also convince her that he could further her career in accounting??

    This scenario probably would never happen because money talks and bullsh&t walks. Again, financial security equates with power and MOST, not all women are infatuated with power! Once more, I’m specifically referring to the R. Kelly and Bill Cosby situations.

    Like

    1. OMFG! I can’t believe that you think that she, I and Sure-Foot-Cynic implied that all black men are rapists! You certainly need to brush up on your reading comprehension skills. If someone was speaking on Black female prostitutes is that implying that ALL black women are prostitutes?!?! ABSOLUTELY NOT! And there would be no need to get offended because they are not talking about ALL black women. They’re simply talking about black women WHO ARE prostitutes, how hard is that to understand?!?! *sigh* But go on and (mis) interpret it how you like. I’m probably not, most likely not gonna get you to see what is actually being said here.

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s