Women, I don’t agree with everything she says (she tend to generalize and speak negatively towards the majority of AA men), however she is brutally honest in what she believes is to be the future of Black Relationships in the so-called American Black Community. Take her opinion from her post from December of 2010:
Britain Reveals The Dead-End Future For “Black Love” In The US—48% Of West Indian Black Men In The UK Are In Relationships With Nonblack Women
Instead of the usual handwringing that African-American women do about these issues, let’s look at some trend lines in terms of our own interests as Sojourners.
AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN WHO BELIEVE IN THE “BLACK LOVE” MYTH ARE DOOMED
African-American women who are Black Love Dead-Enders are doomed. The trend lines don’t favor their delusions or delusional slogans about “Black love.” As I mentioned in an early post,
Mark my words: The “Black women as martyrs” recruiters will keep demanding that you martyr yourself no matter what happens. They will continue making these demands until the final demise of the African-American collective. They will repeat the same slogans as African-Americans continue becoming more deeply entrenched in permanent underclass status, and overall disintegration.
They will keep making these demands of you even after the African-American out of wedlock birthrate reaches 90-95 percent. The 1965 Moynihan Report warned about the rising illegitimacy rate among African-Americans. Most of our people didn’t heed the warning. Instead, we recited angry slogans in response.
They will keep making these demands of you even after the African-American male interracial relationship rate approaches 50 percent and beyond. For those of you who think this can’t or won’t happen, I would refer you to the current example of the Caribbean Black male population in the United Kingdom. West Indian Black men’s interracial relationship rate in the UK has reached 48 percent. (See the BBC Caribbean.com story from January 19, 2009, The Mixed Race March in Britain.)
In fact, the UK situation is a sneak preview of how African-American men will continue their singular focus on seeking their own individual bliss while the deceived masses of Black women in the U.S. keep trying to uphold “Black love” and the “Black family” . . . all by themselves.
In the US, this “Black love” and “Black marriage” talk is a dead end. To read the rest of the post click here.
From One BW poster to a BW Blogger: “I read this article, the data and comments. While it is generally true that black women love black men to the point they’d rather be miserable with them than without them to the point of being the side pussy, knowingly and often quietly accepting being with black men who have no intention of being monogamous or up front and open polygamy. Or when the hurt is too much turn to other women or other men. All of this is true and often black men go silent with this or advocate this. It is a wonder why black women seek the image of black men and raise him up to God status in her mind when black men don’t do the same under this system. Even when black women marry out they still yearn for black men. The numbers don’t lie.It seems that black men who looking to morph black women into something else as I have heard black men talk of mixed black women as the new black woman and while they are with non black women and light women they often despise their not so light offspring girls and lament the loss of darkness in the boys. In general it doesn’t feel as though black women are hated by black men, it is verified and known.
I know of too many black women who are everything a man could want but is holding out for a brotha. As more black men are telling black women to go and are now pushing black women to date interracial and marry the more it will happen. Make no mistake black women are wanted and once they go in any real number things are going to change rapidly.
After the big slavery and integration it wasn’t black women who started to marry out nor date or sex out. Look at most black men revolutionaries and you’ll find white or other non black women. Now do the same for black women and it’s not the case. So who loves who?
Some how they think an alabaster black woman will appear and want them. Once dating out becomes the norm for black women do black men really think that preference will remain the same? I’m already seeing this happen and I find it hard to tell them there’s better out there because really there isn’t.”
From One BW poster to a BW Blogger: “I read this post and I am very impressed with this article. I am glad a Black woman understands and realizes the dilemma that many Black women face in this country when many Black men continue to degrade and put down Black women endlessly. And others saying that we are ugly, unwanted etc while White and non Black women are seen as more beautiful and desirable. Thus Black women’s dilemma in finding a mate is hard especially in this society that promotes the belief that Black women are undesirable.Honestly, I have decided to remain abstinent until I find a good, non Black man comes my way. Black men, beside my male family members who love and treat me well, haven’t shown me that they are worthy of my time or respect. I didn’t do anything to these men yet they always find ways to disrespect me and call me ugly, dark skin etc. They hate my dark skin and features and hate me on the virtue of being Black and female. No different from racists or bigots out there.
I have never had any of these experiences with White, Latino or Asian men. For the most part, non Black men have treated me with respect. They hold the doors for me, I can hold conversations with them and many of them like me and appreciate my dark skin and features. A few of them I witnessed were jerks but weren’t jerks to me. This is telling if non Blacks can be more respectful to me than men in my own race, isn’t it?
These days, I am trying to focus on bettering myself and going to school and getting a job. It is hard because of my mother’s financial situation and where I live doesn’t have much opportunities either. I realize that I need to build myself up financially, educate myself and find emotional healing before I ever find that non Black man that I am looking for. And I am telling how I feel but I don’t fault any Black woman for choosing to be with a Black man, going lesbian or choosing celibacy. We, as Black women, should do what we feel is best for us.”
Blogger: “Damn those men sound immature as hell. But I bet they expect women to give them oral sex funk, must, dark color, bush and all. Selfish as hell. Why do they think their genitalia is golden? I bet they know very little about the female genitalia too. I swear the way you described them they sound like children talking about a bug or something or when little boys say a girl has cooties.I’ve heard the whole black men say that black women have dark/ugly genitalia stories from black women and all I can say is, negro what color is yours? Why is it okay for yours to be dark? They must think black women are dirty down there based on that alone. What are black women suppose to look like cows? Where the only light part is in the middle? How are you colorist against vagina?”
[Note from Tired Sista: OMG! Now you have “black” men going so far as to comparing white women’s vaginas vs. Black Women’s Vaginas!?!? This is…..I have no words!]
Follower: “I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this? But I’ve noticed that when black men date non-black women they’re more open about their relationship? They’ll share more pictures / and are generally more public? I’ve seen this especially with black male celebrities. The women are often portrayed as a symbol of their success or ‘status’. Non-black women are precious and deserving. Whilst black women are ‘worthless’ and don’t deserve such doting treatment. They’ll keep us in the background.”
Blogger: “Because they enjoy seeing black women view themselves as inferior. It’s really sick if you ask me. I’ve only seen this done by black men, not saying white or non-black men are perfect by any means (God no) but I’ve only seen black men go out of their way to do this to the women of their community.
I don’t understand why we would be mad, anyway. Now if black women did the same thing, as much as they got in their feelings about that white Kappa, they’d be showing their natural black asses and raising complete hell on social media.”
Follower: “Dating black men never goes well for me. These guys always ask me for money. Black men always asking for money for weed, tools, child support, food, parties, clothes, condoms, phone bill, car notes or abusive. Most of the women I know is paying these black men bills, bail money, dates , and sending money or barrels to their family in the jamaica, trinidad etc. I can’t take it anymore. What should I do?”
Blogger: “If you still prefer to date black men, then I think you have to be honest up front and let them know you’re not their ATM machine. If they develop hurt feelings too bad. Even if you’re just dating always keep an eye out for any of those characteristics. One thing I refuse to tolerate is a sista being used, you need to put your foot down from the get go.”
Blogger to her Readers: “T.I. has spent more time attacking black women for criticizing Iggy than the black men who call Tiny ugly unprovoked. If T.I. spent more time being a decent husband defending misogynoirists who insult his wife, he’d not be so fixated on a white blonde bitch capitalizing off of black women’s bodies. He only attacked Azealia because he has never liked her, not because she specifically insulted Tiny.”
Follower: “I’m not trying to like show off but when i got into Harvard and Rutgers my teachers decided to tell people in my class and then some black guys were like “she still a dark ass burnt bitch”, i have never done anything to them nor do i even talk to them yet they all felt like they needed to put me down for no damn reason like why do black men hate intelligent black women so damn much? Do they hate that we’re smarter and don’t take their shit? they never want to see me do anything good.”
Blogger: “CONGRATS!!!!! But, Wow,!! How disrespectful!!! We can never win with them. I’d figured they’d offer you some time of respect, especially getting into Harvard and Rutgers. WTF? So no matter what they still don’t view you as a human being to respect. I’ve told black women it doesn’t matter how much you follow the guidelines of respectability politics, black men, and white society will still have something to say about you. This is why I went a permanent “F-ck You” campaign towards everyone who isn’t a black woman.”
Follower: “Why are black men such pigs? I’ve met decent non black men. Any time I get harassed or assaulted the culprits are black men. I’ve given up on them. I’m tired of being harassed. Some guy walked by me and said you wanna fuck, I told him to shut up. He got on the defensive and said what?! He was surprised I responded. You can’t say vulgar things to me and think you can get away with it.”
Blogger: “Now sweetness you can find men like this in every type of race. A good portion of men operate with entitlement because our society and planet is still extremely misogynistic and sexist. But I understand your gripe with harassment. Many sistas have told their stories about being harassed and it seems like nothing is being done about it. These types of men feel like they can get away with it because our disgusting society thinks there is nothing wrong with it. It’s no different in the black community. I guess these dudes feel like we should be thankful they’re making advances towards us to prove that we’re attractive enough.
But you were right by checking his nasty ass for making vulgar comments towards you. I wish you had some pepper spray, that would just add insult to injury. Bruised ego and sore eyes.”
[Note From Tired Sista: If some ol’ nasty Negro comes up to me asking me some shit like that I’mma call my boys ASAP to whoop his ass. That was sooooo disrespectful. I mean what happened to men greeting women with “Hello, how are you doing?” or “Good Morning?” Good Afternoon?” . etc. etc ?!?]
Now I’mma stop right there. I know ya’ll can’t take too much more, I sure can’t. Another WOW! to the third power. Folks, at one time in my life I could have NEVER conceived that you have what seems like a significant number of “black” men and boys who feel this much hatred and contempt of Black Women and Girls! Somethin awful is in the air! This ain’t even half the stories I have heard on and offline in the last few years!
These same Negro “boys” will raise 10 bitches in hell when they encounter a sista in IR relationships………WHILE WITH THEIR NON-BLACK/WHITE WOMEN, LOL. TALK ABOUT DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!Take it from one black woman’s experience:
“I been crying because I am soo deeply hurt by this issue. This topic has been bothering me along with other black women. Well here it goes….Yesterday I went out to the movies and dinner with my boo (white man I been seeing for a few months) and these black men were making comments about my hair talking about I’m trying to straighten my hair like a white woman and calling me a Negro bedwench. My date (white guy) jumped to my defense and said “You can not speak about black women trying to look like white women when there are white women out here walking around with fake butts and fake boobs trying to look like black women.” The weird part about this situation was that the black man was with a white woman and she had a fake butt and fake boobs. My date and I left after we were finished with our dinner. On our way driving home my date could tell i was still bothered by the black man comments about my hair. I know I should be natural and I usually am natural but I decided to wear my hair straight whats the big deal? I wanted to switch up my hair do. I think women have that right to wear their hair as they choose. My date asked me this question….” Why do black men criticize black women for wearing straight hair accusing them of looking like a white woman but black men love white women with black women features like big butts and big boobs. Why are white women with black women features considered sexy but black women with white women features is considered ugly. For example Kim Kardashian, Iggy, Nicole Austin all have fake big asses but black men love them and worship their fake asses. Gabrielle Union, Rapper Eve, Serena Williams all wear weaves and straight hair but black men hate them and claim they are copying white women calling them hairhats, but black men don’t think white girls with fake asses are trying to look like black women. Please stare your thoughts on this. Is this hypocrisy and contradiction or what?”-Black Woman to BWE Blogger
ABSOLUTELY! A MAJOR HYPOCRISY AND CONTRADICTION!!!!
A Q &A Between A Black Men and Women:
Black Man: “Why do you generalize black men so much? Not all of us are the same, I love my black women. The generalizations offend me.”
Generalizing is when you think all black men are shit, I do not, but there is a concerning amount of black men who bash black women with misogynoir, sexism, colorism, intraracism and more. I’m not going to stop addressing this stuff because brothas are getting offended reading my blog.”
My white or non-black lurkers or followers hasn’t stop me from addressing racism, or white supremacy. I’m sorry but when I said this space is for black women, this space is for black women ONLY.”
MY PERSONAL GOD HONEST MOST HUMBLE OPINION
While I agree with many things that these Black Women and Girls are saying about the way SOME “Black Men and Boys” treat Black Women and Girls I do not agree with the generalizing. The articles, Q & As, comments, and testimonies above reveal that there is definitely a bleak and grim looking future for the American Black Man/Black Woman Collective relationship. This phenomena is being carried over into the next generation as many young Black Girls are experiencing hatred from young Black Boys who learn this behavior from the older “black”
men boys. Moreover, I agree with Khadija that if things keep going the way they going now, the state of the Black collective relationship will mirror that of the black collective in Great Britain. While the 2015 marriage statistics reveal that most black men still marry black women (85%) there seems to be a significant number of “Black Men and Black Boys” that have a despicable, deep-seated, contempt for Black Women and Black Girls. This leads some to ask are Black Men just “settling” for Black Women, but really want White/Non-Black Women? [Side Note: I can understand why some would ask this question because it looks like it just may be true]. The comments and testimonies and or stories submitted to various Black Women Bloggers personally and that appear in discussion forums and chat rooms from (too many) Black Women and Black Girls also reveal how awfully vile and disgusting they are treated by (too many) Black Men and Black Boys and it is very,very disheartening and devastating (and these same men and boys want Black Women and Girls to continue to support them despite the mistreatment). To add major insult to an already major injury many Black Women and Black Girls are confronted with the very sad, sad reality of self-hating, misogynioristic, colorist Black Men and Boys in their own families. Look at the Q&A below in which a young black woman share her experience with her own self-hating brother:
Follower: I think misogynoir starts at a young age. It’s blown off as them playing and teasing, and isn’t addressed. As children,3 & 5 y/o, My older brother constantly called me a bull until I got a perm because I hated feeling like I was animalish and ugly. At 18 I’m transitioning back to natural, and at 21 he calls my hair “ugly housen***ger hair” and won’t date black women period because we’re “oversensitive, loud, angry, annoying, and ghetto and not as pretty as other women” and calls it a preference.
Blogger: A bull? Comparing you to a animal? Wow! Who taught him that at such a young age? That’s horrible. How is he insulting you in a way a white person would as a black man and your brother at that? Doesn’t he realize his hair grows like that too? He sounds like my damn brother, especially that last part about not dating black women for those reasons, when he’s no different. God damn that makes me upset. I’m so sick of this shit being spewed from black men. And then people wonder why little black girls have such low self esteem.
Misogynoir start at a early age. Remember the phrase “He’s a boy, that’s how boys are suppose to act” when they misbehave. But we tell our daughters to “Stop acting like that, that’s not cute for young girls to be acting like that, that’s not lady like”. I’ve had to hear these things constantly within my family and we wonder why there’s such disparity in the community. All of this misogynoir didn’t fall out of the air.
Furthermore, the latest interracial marriage statistics state that only 45% of Black Men marry and out of that 45%, 22% marry outside the race. So that means half of the Black Men who are marrying, half marry outside the race which is a big slice of that pie. The colorist and discriminatory choices of (too many) Black Men and boys in regards to mating, dating, marrying, and procreating goes widely unchallenged by the so-called Black Community and is just excused as “just his preference.” Many Black Women and Girls are “tone policed” (silenced) by the so-called Black Community and called a “bitter black bitch” if they dare to challenge these men and boys “preferences.” To the contrary, Black Women are the least likely of any group to marry outside of their race. However, the current 2015 marriage statistics state that Black Women’s IR marriage rate has increased to 12% from 9% (just a few short years ago; not much of an increase though I wasn’t expecting it to get much higher). *shrugs* I don’t know, if the collective relationship between the black man and black woman gets much worse, black women IR just may increase some more. Many sistas are already expressing hatred for black men because of self-hating Negro men and boys and declaring they are “done with black men and will expand their options.” For some that option includes other women (for those who do not want a white/non-black man). Talk about the hate that hate produced…..smfh.
Many Black Women and Girls want a good black man and beautiful black babies, but with all the anti-black woman hatred coming from (too many) “black” men and boys many find themselves at a crossroads; some say they will just be alone (which is not a great option being that many if not most women want marriage and family at some point) or some just date and or marry interracially (which imo will not solve the issue either). I get sooooo angry because Black Women and Girls shouldn’t have to worry about whether they can attract and or marry a Black Man. First, the system of racism white supremacy is ultimately responsible as it teaches every man and boy on this planet to devalue and disrespect the huemanity and femininity of Black Women and Girls. Second, Black Men have to take some responsibility for allowing themselves and their sons to be continuously brain trashed by the white supremacist beauty standards and media. Black boys need to be taught starting at a young age to honor and love Black Girlhood/Womanhood.
The public demeaning, degradation, and desecration of Black Womanhood by “Black” Men have some asking:
While these Negros are on television, social media, YouTube, blogs, etc. degrading and demeaning Black Women, the entire world is watching and it is so very embarrassing! Black Women and Girls report that even White and non-white poc are asking, “Why Black Men Hate Black Women So Much?” or saying things like “Black Men don’t like Black Women!” Just check out the following Q & As from a Tumblr followers to their Black Woman Blogger:
Follower: I’ve seen white people ask why black men put down their own women so much. It makes me realize that people see this shit. They see black men irrationally hating us. They see the black women jokes and memes. They see black men and their glorification of non-black women. But do black men see this. Do they see how they publicly and unashamedly dehumanize us? Do they see how ridiculous and lost they look for doing this? I feel like the world is laughing at us.